


New Beginnings

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-05
Updated: 2004-05-05
Packaged: 2018-12-27 08:58:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12077832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian wakes up in a world where there is no Justin.





	New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

All day long Brian had the feeling of deja vu. He couldn’t understand or explain it. He just knew that everything had seemed oddly familiar. Brian tried to shake off the feeling and continue with his work, but he couldn’t. It all felt repetitive. Brian was working on a pitch for Old Pitt, but he couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he had done the same thing before. He couldn’t think of anything particularly new or exciting to do with the campaign, so he figured he would use his old standby that could sell anything, sex. Brian looked at his watch. It was getting late. He pushed aside the papers and tried to think about something else. Instantly, images of Justin popped into his head. Well that was better. Justin was still in the hospital, but he would be getting out soon. Brian thought about going over there to visit, but decided against it. Craig Taylor might be there and that could lead to trouble. Brian hadn’t been to see Justin as much as he should have. It was too difficult. There was too much to say, and too much that should have been said long ago. Life had become frighteningly clear for Brian, in a moment he didn’t think he could ever forget. The first few days waiting for Justin too wake up had been tortuous. But Justin had made it, and Brian could feel his walls rebuilding. What he had felt, was it love? Why did it have to hurt so much? Brian didn’t like things he couldn’t understand. Brian tried to tell himself that they would get past this, just like they had gotten past everything else. In his heart he wondered if it was true. They couldn’t go back to the way things had been pre-prom, that much was certain. He had given away too much that night. There were only two options: take the plunge, or walk away. Brian wasn’t sure which was best.

Brian opened his desk drawer to take out a picture of Justin he had hidden under some files. His friends would have would have been surprised to know just how much he thought about Justin, and if they knew he kept a picture of the teen they wouldn’t let him live it down. He couldn’t find the picture. That was strange, he didn’t remember moving it. Brian took everything out of the drawer, but the picture wasn’t there. Brian looked a little bit more and finally he gave up. He decided to go over to the diner and talk to Debbie. She was always up to date on what the boys had labeled the “Justin report”.

When Brian entered the diner it was fairly quiet. The evening rush hadn’t started, so there was space at the counter. He went over and sat down. Debbie came over immediately. “So Brian, are you looking for the ‘daily special’?” she joked. Brian rolled his eyes.

“Something like that. I just wanted to know how Justin was doing.”

“Who?” Debbie was looking at him like he had two heads.

“Very funny Deb. When is he getting out of the hospital?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Brian wondered if this was her way of chastising him for not going to see Justin more often. He was trying to decide what to say next when Debbie sent the conversation in an entirely unexpected direction.

“So, Lindsey should be having the baby any day now. I can hardly picture you as a father.”

“The baby? That was almost a year ago.”

“Brian, hon, either you haven’t had enough sleep, or you have been taking too many pills.”

“I’m not the one going nuts here.” Brian was beginning to get annoyed. “Stop this shit and tell me how Justin is!”

“I don’t know anyone named Justin.”

Brian stood up and walked out the door. Whatever this little joke was, it wasn’t funny. He got into the jeep and shut the door. He looked at the clock. It was just after seven. He was about to start the car when his cell phone rang.

“What?” Brian was always known for being sociable on the telephone.

“This is Melanie. I’m taking Lindsey to the hospital.”

“Oh my God. Is she all right?” Brian’s frustration was replaced with concern.

“Of course she’s all right. She’s in labor.”

“In labor?”

“Yes Brian.” Melanie’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. “That’s what happens when you’re about to have a baby.”

“What baby?” Brian cried “Why does everyone keep talking about a baby?”

“Oh this is just great.” Melanie wasn’t really talking to Brian anymore. “I knew we shouldn’t have asked him to be the sperm donor.”

There was some muffled conversation and then Lindsey’s voice came over the phone.

“Bri, what’s going on?”

“I’m so confused.”

“We’re really having the baby. Everything is going to be fine. You’ll be a great father.”

“But Lindz, nothing makes sense. Gus is almost a year old, and I can’t get Debbie to tell me anything about Justin.”

“Who is Justin? And do you like the name Gus? That’s what I want to name the baby if it is a boy.”

In the background Brian thought he could here Melanie say something that sounded very much like “Over my dead body.”

“Please stop it and tell me how he is.” Brian’s voice had gained a note of panic.

“Okay, you must be exhausted. Try to get some rest, and then come visit us at the hospital when you feel better.”

Before Brian could respond she hung up. Brian’s head was spinning. What was going on? Why did everyone keep pretending that Justin didn’t exist? An idea came to Brian. He could call the hospital. The nurse he spoke to was not very helpful.

“I’m calling to check on one of your patients, Justin Taylor.” he heard the clicks of a keyboard.

“I’m sorry sir. We don’t have anyone by that name.”

“Could he have been released?” Brian asked.

“It’s possible” she replied “What was his date of entrance?” He gave it to her. “Sir, that’s not possible. It won’t be May 25 for eight more months.”

Brian was starting to go crazy. It was the beginning of June as far as he knew, and she was telling him it was September. Brian severed the connection. He drove to a convenient store and bought a newspaper. The date said September 15, 2000. Brian sat in the jeep for at least five minutes just staring at the date on the top of the paper. Things were slowly starting to fall into place. Gus had been born early in the morning of the 16th. Brian had a vague memory of Melanie smugly telling him that labor had started around seven on the 15th. That wasn’t the only thing that had happened on the 16th. At about one in the morning he had met Justin.. That was why no one knew what he was talking about. Justin hadn’t come into their lives yet. Brian tried to figure out what to do. Was this an opportunity for Brian to start over? Maybe it was. Maybe Brian could meet him again, only this time things would be different. No more shit, and this time Justin certainly wouldn’t end up bleeding in a parking garage. Brian’s earlier panic was replaced by happiness. He had a second chance.

Brian could have gone to Babylon, but he was afraid he might leave too early or too late and miss Justin. Brian mad sure to arrive by midnight, and he found a parking spot with a clear view of both the clubs entrance and the lamp post where it had all happened. Then, he waited. About an hour later Brian saw Ted and Emmett exit Babylon. They stood by the door. A few minutes later Michael came out and joined them. They talked for a few minutes before heading towards Ted’s car. By that point Brian’s eyes were firmly planted on the post, waiting for a certain young blond boy to arrive. Brian waited and waited, but there was no sign of Justin. Finally, at two, Brian was forced to admit that Justin wasn’t coming, so he went home.

When he opened the door to the loft, Brian was struck by how cold and empty it felt. Something seemed off. Justin wasn’t curled up on the sofa with his sketch book like he did sometimes when Brian had to work at the computer. He wasn’t standing behind the kitchen counter with his bright smile and his latest concoction, and he wasn’t stretched out on the bed, begging Brian with his eyes to do any number of pleasant and interesting things. There was no sign of Justin anywhere, not even a t-shirt left after an intimate evening because, as Brian had to remind himself, he was now in a world where Justin didn’t exist. Brian wondered if it really had been that lonely before Justin had come into his life. Brian kicked off his shoes on the way to the bedroom. Then he shrugged off his jacket and loosened his tie. He lay down on the bed, too exhausted to undress any further.

In the silence of the loft, Brian began to organize his thoughts. Brian tried to tell himself that things were better off this way. He couldn’t count the times over the months that he had wished Justin would just go away. Well, he had gotten his wish Brian thought bitterly. At least now he couldn’t ruin Justin’s life before he pushed him away. There were all the reasons why Brian should be glad that Justin was gone for good, yet all Brian could feel was emptiness because for all the reasons why they shouldn’t be together, there were even more reasons why they should. They were made for each other. They were like light and dark, like heat and cold, like sun and rain. It was necessary to have one with the other. They balanced each other perfectly. Even more than that, Justin had done the impossible. He had penetrated Brian’s heart (although some people, such as Melanie, might have argued that he didn’t have one), and shown him that it was possible to love. It was at that moment that the phone began to ring. Brian had the vague idea that he should answer it, but he couldn’t make himself move to get it. He was too tired. The phone kept ringing, but Brian just slipped of to sleep.

~~~

He woke up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Brian looked up to see Jennifer Taylor standing over him.

“Your phone is ringing.” she said. Brian pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the caller-ID. It was Michael. Brian turned off the phone. Jennifer was still standing there. Brian felt uncomfortable under her gaze, and he tried to find a more comfortable position on the flimsy plastic chair.

“What are you doing here at one in the morning?” she asked finally.

“I was wondering how Justin was doing, so I came to find out.”

“He’s doing much better.” she replied “The doctors say he should be able to go home in the next few days.”

“And where is ‘home’?” Brian asked.

“Debbie’s house, that’s his home now. You’ve all been there for him when his family wasn’t.”

Brian bowed his head. He didn’t think he deserved any medals for taking care of Justin after the fine job he had done.

“I was just in there trying to get him to rest a little. He has been lying around for so long that he has become restless. He always was full of energy.” She paused and smiled to herself. Brian had to smile too. He had, on many occasions, benefitted greatly from Justin’s energy. Then she asked a question that surprised Brian.

“Would you like to go see him?” It was Brian’s turn to look at someone like they were crazy. Jennifer pretended not to notice. “He will be glad to see you, and maybe you could convince him to go to sleep. So, would you like to see him?”

Brian couldn’t answer, so he just nodded his head. He stood up and stretched his cramped muscles.

“I’ve got to do something about these dreams.” he muttered to himself as he rubbed his eyes. He headed for Justin’s room then stopped and turned to face Jennifer. She could see the question forming on his lips and she cut him off before he could even begin.

“Because I can’t completely hate someone who cares about my son so much.”

As Brian reached the door to Justin’s room, panic set in. Could he face him? Could he really promise that things would be different? Part of Brian wanted to turn around and walk away, but he was rooted to the spot. The dream had been a wake-up call, and for once in his life Brian was determined not to fuck things up. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

From the moment he opened the door, Brian was struck by how beautiful Justin was. He was still a little pale, but at least he was in one piece. Justin’s eyes were closed, but his fingers drummed on the bed so Brian knew he was awake.

“Mom, just go home.” Justin started to say as he heard footsteps approach the bed. He opened his eyes and his voice trailed off as he saw Brian. It was silent for at least a minute before Brian spoke.

“Did I ever tell you that I love you?” Justin didn't answer. Brian was beginning to wonder if people would ever stop looking at him like he had gone completely insane.

“Did I?” he asked again.

“Um, let me think about that. What was the answer? Oh that’s right, no!” Justin was definitely feeling better.

“Then I was an idiot.” Brian said “Because I love you Justin.” Brian perched gently on the edge of the bed and took Justin’s hand.

“I thought you said you don’t believe in love.”

“I’ve said a lot of things. Maybe I didn’t until I met the right person.”

“Do you really mean it Brian?”

Brian’s response was not in words. He leaned in and gave Justin a long, slow, tender kiss. As their lips parted they looked into each others eyes for a moment. That gesture and that look convinced Justin of Brian’s sincerity better than any words could.

“So what happens now?” Brian asked.

‘I don’t know.” said Justin as he squeezed the hand in his. “I guess we’ll figure it out as we go along.”

Epilogue:  
~Six months later~

It was one of the coldest winters on record, but Justin hardly cared. He was too busy being happy. Things had finally taken a good turn. Justin’s injuries had all healed, relations with his parents were less strained, classes at the institute were great, but best of all he had Brian. At first no one had believed that things would work out, not with Brian’s history, but they had proved everyone wrong.

And so, a week before Christmas, Justin was sitting in a very empty loft waiting for Brian to come home. Everything had already been moved out. They just needed to do a final check to make sure that nothing was forgotten. When they had decided to move in together it had been clear that they would need a bigger place. Gay Pittsburgh practically had a collective heat attack when the news about Brian Kinney buying a house leaked. It was a great place. It had enough sleek, minimalist aspects to please Brian, as well as enough light and warmth for Justin. The selling point had been a space that was perfect for a studio.

Justin lay on the bare mattress in the bedroom (he had insisted they get one that hadn’t been host to half the city), and stared at the ceiling as he thought about everything that had happened in just over a year. He didn’t hear the door open and shut and was startled when Brian suddenly appeared over him. Justin instantly flashed his brightest smile.

“Good news.” Justin joked “While you were gone the Smithsonian called. They want your mattress.”

“It is a national treasure.” said Brian as he collapsed next to Justin on the bed.

“Tell me how much you love me.” said Justin playfully.

“Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

“Fine.” Brian said, then with more tenderness, “I am totally, 100%, head over heels....”

“In our case wouldn’t it be heels over head?” Justin interrupted.

“Do you mind? I am trying to make a declaration here.”

“So sorry. Please continue.” said Justin looking less than repentant.

“No. You had your chance.”

“You’re hands are cold.” Justin complained as Brian reached out for his baby.

“Cold hands, warm groin.”

“I don’t think that’s how the phrase goes.”

“Sounds right to me.” Brian replied as he slipped an arm under Justin’s neck.

“Bri,”

“Yeah baby?”

“Are you scared?”

“Terrified, but not as much as I would be if I didn’t have you.”

“Hmm. You know, I think you’re finally starting to grow up.”

“Never!”

“It won’t be so bad.” Justin said comfortingly. “So, how about one last time on this bed?”

“Funny, that’s just what I had in mind.”


End file.
